In fact, in both composition and effect, a can of Rip-It is exactly the same as a hit of crystal meth. As it turns out, a single 8-ounce serving of Rip-It boosts testosterone, aggression, and ESP by as much as 200% in soldiers of both genders. One small can of Rip-It is supposed to provide enough concentrated energy for an entire 6-month deployment, but troops are guzzling them down like Jaeger shots at a sorority girl’s 21st birthday party. Rip-It has definitely left its mark on our warfighters.īut Rip-It has a dark side. Resupply for the one brigade-sized element in Iraq alone requires 17 C-5 cargo planes doing constant”turn and burn” operations from Rip-It’s warehouse in Connecticut into combat hotspots around the world. A single infantry platoon of thirty men has been known to go through 25 cases of Rip-It energy drinks in a single day, especially when the day’s mission gets weathered out and the Call of Duty server is down again. And because they come in those little cans, everyone thinks they can drink like thirty of them. “It turns out that a single Rip-It has like 4000% of the recommended lifetime caffeine intake,” explained US Army Surgeon General Cal Ripkin. Simon Cowell.In a stunning announcement that reverses 14 years of proud tradition, the US Army is pulling the popular energy drink Rip-It off of PX shelves and out of comfort pallets bound for overseas service members. Rip It Energy Fuel may or may not work, depending on what is being ripped. Almost no aftertaste.Ĭons: Typical green energy drink color. (Editorâ€™s Note: The Impulsive Buy would like to thank CT from the Population Statistic for creating The Impulsive Buy favicon, which can be found in the address bar of your browser…Hopefully.) Oh, wow! I guess Rip It Energy Fuel does work. Now in front of me is a picture of American Idol judge, Simon Cowell.ĭAMN FRICKINâ€™ ARROGANT PRICK!!! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SUCK, ASSWIPE!!! HOW ABOUT I TEAR THAT SMUG LOOK OFF OF YOUR FACE!!! Now that I think about it, maybe I have to try something different. Iâ€™m pretty sure the caffeine, taurine, inositol, and guarana must have kicked in by now, but Iâ€™m just not feeling it. Although, it doesnâ€™t taste as good as The Impulsive Buy favorite, Monster Energy Drink.Īnyway, so far, through this entire review I have had a blank sheet of paper in front of me and I honestly have had no urge to rip it, despite just drinking a can of Rip It Energy Fuel. However, the lack of bite and aftertaste made it easier to tank the big 16-ounce can of the berry and citrus flavored Rip It Energy Fuel, which tasted pretty good. This surprised me because just like almost all Ben Affleck movies, most energy drinks with aggro names leave me with a weird aftertaste. This was disappointing because that bite is one of the things that wakes me up when Iâ€™m trying to finish a review or if Iâ€™m trying to stay up late to watch Ronco infomercials or the softcore porn on HBO.Īnother thing I noticed about the Rip It Energy Fuel was that there was almost no aftertaste.

The first thing I noticed about it was its lack of bite that most energy drinks have, which was probably due to the lack of carbonation in the Rip It Energy Fuel. However, after I drank it, I realized that it wasnâ€™t a typical energy drink. Maybe I have to inject it into my ass meat, like Jose Canseco did with steroids.Īnyway, on the outside, the Rip It Energy Fuel looks like any old energy drink with an aggro name, aggro designed can, and its typical aggro green energy drink color. Maybe it takes a while for the effects to kick in. I think Iâ€™m not properly using the Rip It Energy Fuel, because I just drank a big 16-ounce can of it and I have no urge to rip anything, not even the jurors in the Michael Jackson case or Paris Hilton.

Rip it energy drink